April 19th
Jesus I just realized that today....today one year ago was my due date. The date I was due. The date they sell to you, one you hang onto, look forward to and dream about. Of course most of us know it...
View ArticleAlways when I need it
As we edge closer people have started sending their well wishes, making comments reminding me Spencer is in their thoughts and it's overwhelming. It amazes me that our son touched so many lives. His...
View ArticleMy son died today
At about 2:47 am today on this day our son died. One year ago today. I laboured, I delivered, I birthed our son Spencer Arthur Currey today one year ago.....dead.I didn't want to naturally deliver him...
View ArticlePhew
How about that angry, morbid post down there? I wrote it at exactly 2:47 am on April 24th, 2010 one year ago after my son passed away. I was drunk, I was angry and I could hardly see through the tears...
View ArticleWalking down the dead baby path
After I laboured and delivered our sleeping child we entered into a world of bitter sweet moments. When you first see that pink line your thought is "I'm having a baby" and typically in 9 months you...
View ArticleA day for mom....except this one.
Finally today is drawing to an end. I got through it, but barely. The one thing that became obvious to me today was that I'm missing out on so many things. My morning started fine. I was headed to the...
View ArticleEvery now and then
You never really know when it's going to hit you. As time creeps on things do get better, but you never know when the loss of your baby is going to hit you. Sometimes it's when kids are around, other...
View ArticleTime keeps ticking
It's been some time since I've been back to this place. It's not that I haven't thought about it or complied a post or two in my mind, but I haven't felt the urge to post. I'm now a wife! our wedding...
View ArticleThe Dance
It reminds me of him, makes me miss my boy and remember the little dance we had even if it was only for 41 weeks. Download 1-17 The Dance
View ArticleStill doing it
To this very day I still walk into baby stores admiring all the cute things, imagining what I could buy. I thought the parents at the counter would look at me weird, but then I told myself I was...
View ArticleStruggling
Have you ever woken up and not had a clue who you were or what you were doing with your life? It seems that's my latest confusion. As if I didn't need any more. I'm unsure of my purpose, of who I want...
View ArticleSeeking help
It's funny how many things about ourselves we just don't know. I've begun seeing a counsellor and so far it's been helpful. She believes I've got PTSD. Now not only after looking into this disorder...
View ArticleTape and Glue
I forgot how much Grey's Anatomy emotionally attaches itself to you and makes you connect with the characters. There are always tears at the end of that show for me, there is always one statement that...
View Article246 Days
When I was pregnant with Spencer I joined babyzone.com. If you sign up you can enter in your information and the calendar tracks you as you move along in your pregnancy. Every day I would log in, read...
View ArticleReassuarance
After we lost Spencer and I knew that I wanted to be pregnant again I wasn't entirely sure about how I would handle it. I didn't know if I would be crazy or fine or somewhere in the middle. Although at...
View Article205 Days
Well I'm pretty sure this baby is good and stuck! On Friday I will be 11 weeks pregnant.....which is almost 3 months already! I find that hard to believe and still struggle with the reality of actually...
View ArticleThere's a wiggling, squirming baby in there!
Well last week I had my first appt. My doctor seemed to be in a rush so when she tried to find a heart beat she couldn't......This was slightly alarming since last time that happened we learned our son...
View Article19 months
A few weeks ago I was at my friends house visiting with her and her 15 month old daughter. As we chased her around the store and tried to keep her close I said "I cannot imagine being pregnant and...
View Article4 Months- 167 days
In the initial stages of this pregnancy I was excited, over joyed and happy that it didn't take long to get pregnant. People would ask me how I was "doing" my response was "Oh I'm fine I haven't been...
View ArticleA boy and a girl
A perfect little family, one of each. A little boy and a little girl. Sounds wonderful doesn't it? In a perfect world it is, in a world where babies don't die that is the ideal family situation for...
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